FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
