Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize