***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't deserve a penis
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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