OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
