I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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