allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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