i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
