im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
