I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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