Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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