We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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