Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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