So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
