Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
