She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
