I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize