Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize