I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
