clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
