Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
