next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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