im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
