Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?

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  (480): hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener? http://tfl.nu/98l9
  Replies (77) Good night (5708) Bad night (706)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.

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  (516): Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke. http://tfl.nu/6p0l
  Replies (8) Good night (849) Bad night (2069)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that

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  (613): His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that http://tfl.nu/uqyw
  Replies (23) Good night (1326) Bad night (3898)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.

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  (520): I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs. http://tfl.nu/cv5b
  Replies (5) Good night (3664) Bad night (897)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?

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  (719): just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am? http://tfl.nu/1xol
  Replies (41) Good night (1043) Bad night (4193)
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  (949): View more from California

  She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.

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  (949): She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed. http://tfl.nu/t3mj
  Replies (22) Good night (9238) Bad night (1245)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3533) Bad night (5361)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..

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  (810): Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall.. http://tfl.nu/5ec3
  Replies (3) Good night (1720) Bad night (1407)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

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  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2749) Bad night (793)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.

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  (815): I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets. http://tfl.nu/choe
  Replies (4) Good night (1554) Bad night (581)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore

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  (616): if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore http://tfl.nu/orke
  Replies (10) Good night (2496) Bad night (567)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You should come by for the fire station blow job tour

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  (817): You should come by for the fire station blow job tour http://tfl.nu/ymfu
  Replies (3) Good night (903) Bad night (448)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message

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  (203): I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message http://tfl.nu/s744
  Replies (0) Good night (676) Bad night (419)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.

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  (660): I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox. http://tfl.nu/jszg
  Replies (1) Good night (379) Bad night (372)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue

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  (614): This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue http://tfl.nu/whp1
  Replies (3) Good night (464) Bad night (328)

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