Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
