sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.