Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.