I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.