turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.