I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?