Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
