Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
