I want to walk on stilts...naked
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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