dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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