Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
