does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
