i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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