guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
