so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
