They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
