so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
