She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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