No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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