I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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