So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I believe in your delicious
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize