after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
