Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I am morally bankrupt
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
