You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
