ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
