Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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