Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
