i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
