Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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