I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
