you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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