I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
