What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
