If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
