with your own penis?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
