his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
