I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
