yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
