he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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