i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
