Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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