I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
