If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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