After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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