Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
