We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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