on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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