I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
did i just pee glitter
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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