i just wanna soil my oats bro
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
