I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
