Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
