Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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