Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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