fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
