I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
