She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
