"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love having hate sex.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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