there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
