he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
