Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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