My friends, they love my intelligence
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
