Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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