Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
