I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
