my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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