I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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